Let’s take a moment for sheer honesty.
We’ve all been there.
We’ve all experienced a situation in which we thought we were going to die, were dying, or the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Our “quality of life”, so to speak, was seriously disrupted. Overturned. Scattered. Your foundation was SHAKEN. Daily functions out of the question.
Now, most of you (clients, friends, what-have-you) know me pretty well. I’m a health & fitness freak. The only problems I had ever had in my life were structural (scoliosis and the corresponding issues) and food allergies. I worked out, “did yoga” and never got anxiety. Psh. Anxiety. I eat anxiety for LUNCH.
Well. Christmas night, 2015 I started having massive heart palpitations. No, not like the “I had too much coffee” kind (the fast ones)…I’m talking about the kind where your heart feels like it flops around like a fish in your chest or randomly squeezes as hard as it can. In the middle of the night. When you’re already asleep. All of a sudden.
On top of that, I would stand up and immediately feel dizzy and get a couple of big chest/heart squeezes. Forget stairs, forget bending over and coming back up. My legs hurt, I could barely walk, barely breathe….it was as scary as it gets.
The second day it happened I went straight to the ER from work. I thought I had done something bad to myself (I was vegan for 3 whole months), even though I am extremely attentive to my nutrition and food combinations.
I was there for 8 freaking hours while they ran tests, only to have them shake their heads, apologize, and refer me to a cardiologist. I went through those ER docs, 2 primaries, a cardiologist, got my thyroid checked, blood checked 50 times (you all know what I’m talking about!), EKG, chest X-rays, ECG, heart monitors, ultrasounds left and right…only to have them say after MONTHS of this, “Well, you’re definitely anemic, but it shouldn’t be causing these issues. We don’t know.” There was nothing in my family history to suggest anything. They didn’t even give me recommendations for supplements or the next specialist to go see. One of the nurses on the phone even told me they “Wanted to check for a heart virus”….when my appointment was over a month away. You NEVER say those things to a patient over the phone, and without more information! I thought I was going to die. I wasn’t ready.
On that note, people, don’t settle on your doctors. Yah, things are crazy expensive these days, so its up to us to vote with our dollas in every single way we can. Stay with the empathetic, intelligent AND intuitive ones. They’re out there!
On top of the big symptoms, I couldn’t lay on my side, and had to sometimes sleep sitting up. I couldn’t move very much, eat very much, or stress very much without it exacerbating the symptoms! When things were really bad and I couldn’t sleep, I would be up all night looking for Joyce Meyer sermons. If I could get myself to cry, for some reason it really helped ease my physical symptoms, which of course were doubly exacerbated by the stress of it all. My eyes would be so tired from crying and lack of sleep that they would shut by themselves, only to have a heart squeeze jolt me awake.
ALL I WANTED in those times was to hear a nice voice reciting Bible verses about peace, hope, etc. I couldn’t find any themed Bible verse meditations. I needed hope, and there was a void. Right then a seed was planted, but it would take months to grow as I walked through the process.
So, in the months that followed I learned to adjust, and the symptoms slowly faded. I found a whole-blood support that helps, and get checked A LOT. The symptoms have drastically decreased, maybe once a week or so. Caffeine is a no-no, and stress also a major aggravator.
Right. Anyways. Here’s what I learned:
- I’m SO THANKFUL for every little happy, positive thing: a moment of peace, sunshine, a laugh, a hug
- My own levels of patience got stretched to the MAX.
- Anxiety is a real thing!
- All I want in life is to be able to drink coffee and work out!
- Be thankful for your yoga or workout practice, no matter how beginner or how advanced. I couldn’t even walk or do a forward fold.
- I’ve never been so thankful for the sweet kindness of strangers, especially the ones in the medical field. Do not be mean to them.
- Having a friend or two as night owls was crucial. Having them to text when I was freaking out at night was a life-saver.
- Weird things happen. Weird things pass.
- Time really does heal all.
- God. When everything else fails, body included, you have God. You have your meditation practice.
- I learned to trust. I learned about trust as a lack of action, instead of the perpetual “try”. That sounds like another blog post… Guess what? I’m still walking this out.
Having said all that, please let me know if my blogs and meditations help you in any way. Its a big deal.
And thanks for listening.